Top 10 items that give runners stat-boosts
10. Sunglasses:
Sunglasses are the quintessential item to give a runner a quick buff for that sunny road 5k at the loss of a couple style points. +1 to speed, misplaced confidence. -5 to likability.
9. Long socks:
The perfect thing to wear if you’re really going for that 1:59.9 800. +5 to PR potential (this buff stales after the 10th grade and begins negatively impacting the runner after reaching college).
8. Hats:
An automatic indicator that you mean business. Why wear one when headbands exist other than to flex? +5 to aerodynamics if backwards, +10 to cockiness if forwards (this item has negative effects when worn on the track).
7. Half tights:
A high-level item that negatively affects the wearer if they aren’t strong enough to control it. +10 to confidence in every event over 1500m. +5 to speed.
6. Necklaces:
Either for sentiment or just for style, necklaces universally make runners more powerful.. +5 to speed, confidence if metal. +5 to endurance, charisma if shell, bead or rope.
5. Long-sleeve shirts:
It’s never too warm for a cotton long-sleeve. A universal indicator of chaos in a runner’s heart, a long-sleeve shirt on a warm day or indoors gives a runner loose-cannon power (must be worn with split-shorts). Beware. +5 to strength, chaotic energy. Stats double when tucked in.
4. Earrings:
Oh, so you’re an edgy runner, huh? Earrings are a clear indicator of either an elite mile/3k runner or a complete casual. +1 to speed, +5 to edginess. -5 to charisma.
3. Headbands:
If your running look doesn’t invoke the ‘70s, what’s it really even doing? Headbands boost style and intensity. If you wear one, you better know what you’re doing. +5 to style, +10 to intimidation.
2. Mullet:
There’s power in not caring what you look like or what people think of you in public when you’re not on the roads, trails or track. +15 to aloof confidence, + 5 to gloriousness.
1. Moustache:
No introduction needed. +100 to style, +25 to championship racing ability.