Hey girl, let’s chat. 

As a young woman who has been on the internet since I was a young girl I have to say it’s brutal out here. And when my mom was my age it was rough with TV, and when my grandma was my age it was rough with movies or radio, and when my great grandma was my age it was rough with writing letters and getting married as a teenager. Being a woman has never been easy. Men are certainly not cushioning the blow either. Women are faced with the difficult task of being woman, while not enjoying womanly tasks (other than cooking and cleaning of course), while having enough personality to not be “basic” but also enjoying manly hobbies (video games, sports, beer, and being a bro in general). Sounds impossible right? It is. I won’t claim this as a new experience for women, but rather it is a new name for a problem as old as time.

What is a pick me girl?

Pick me girls are not like other girls. They are way cooler because they don’t like girly shit like shopping, rom coms, makeup, pink, or anything stereotypically “girly.” This extreme dissent of “girly stuff” is often a performance to gain male approval. The term gained popularity on TikTok in 2021. 

Why is that bad?

It is inherently misogynistic to believe that things women like are worse than what men like. Think about the beginning of the Beatles career. They were written off as a silly boyband formed for girls to drool over. But now the Beatles are widely renowned as one of, if not the, most influential bands of all time. However, a pick me girl of the 1960s would boast about how she hates the Beatles.

To your question, I have a question: What is wrong with being like other girls?

I am an amalgamation of every woman I have ever thought was cool. 

In 6th grade I liked the way my friend wrote her U’s so I trained my pen to copy her. I still write my U’s like that 10 years later. 

In 8th grade my best friends were in love with Justin Bieber so I sat and listened to his mediocre music. I still associate him and his music with staying up late and giggling until we fell asleep. 

In high school I tailored my music and clothes to be just like the cool girls I saw on Tumblr. I still dress like them and listen to the same music. 

I am like other girls. I LOVE being like other girls. My favorite things about me come from girls I have admired in my 21 years of life. When I am critical of myself I learn to see others within me. I have my maternal grandmother’s polish nose, my paternal grandmother’s height, my mothers conviction, my sister’s curiosity, and my friends’ open-heartedness. 

I used to hear my mothers voice when I was angry and wince at the idea of being a bitch like her. We make the same face when we’re angry. I’d sit at the mirror for hours in my adolescence to teach myself composure to not be like her. But as I’ve grown I’ve learned she’s not a bitch when she’s angry (…sometimes). She is strong, passionate, confident, and smart- why would I want to be like anyone else?

Is there hope for pick me girls?

Thankfully, pick me girls are not a lost cause. Most, if not all, women go through this phase at some point while functioning under the patriarchy. I know that I certainly did, and it was not pretty. To cut myself some slack I don’t think anyone looks back at how they acted as a teenager and doesn’t shudder with bone chilling embarrassment. Growing up and being taught that women should be in competition with each other rather than allies is a hard belief to shake. 

To any pick me girl reading, know that I love you as much as I’ve loved every other woman I’ve stolen mannerisms from. Being you is more important than gaining approval of any man on this earth. Maybe you being you is enjoying mostly male dominated activities- and that’s okay! I hope that you find music, movies, shows, hobbies, and topics that you participate in because you’re passionate about them, not because you think it would make Chad think you’re like totally hot. There is no benefit to putting yourself or other women down to appeal to standards set by men. 

 To close I’ll ask again: What is wrong with being like other girls?