REAL FAKE? OR REAL LOVE?

 

Most of our adult lives we have had people leave and sometimes come back into our lives. Either because we really love them or vice versa, or we struggle to sometimes let them go.

 

Either they left because they grew apart from you, maybe even moved somewhere long distance, found a new group of friends or lover, or even decided they no longer wanted to be apart of your life.

 

 

Either of changed goals, different mentality, and even potentially jealousy.

This year was a very challenging year for me.

I would say mainly because of character development and also my mental state.

 

I had a lot of extracurriculars that I dedicated myself towards…

 

With that it cost me my mental stability. Not just because it was something I was always doing, but if i’m being honest it lead to a lot of insight on who I am as a person and the friends I would hang out with.

 

 

Finding a way to balance my social life, work and academics wasn’t to hard, but socially I struggled the most.

 

I may have realized that some people I thought were my closest friends weren’t actually my friends.

 

Some, I figured,  didn’t actually have anything in common with but I just found myself being in the exact space.

 

It was bothersome to me.

 

Bothersome in a way where I felt alone, I felt like everyone was  a stranger. Even worse, I felt as though some people in particular didn’t actually care about me.

 

They only were around me for benefit or to utilize me for things that are far beyond my knowledge.

 

 

No. I didn’t ask these individuals what they thought or told them what I was thinking because what good would that do?

 

 

Moreover, it seemed more of the actions that put it into perspective that maybe I need to re-evaluate who I actually do let in my space, and who I choose to interact with consecutively or on occasion.

 

 

I completely distanced myself altogether.

 

 

Not just because of what I observed, or what I heard, or what I felt.

 

 

I wanted to dissect my train of thought.

 

To figure out whether or not I over analyzing or if i’m being too pessimistic and maybe need to give the individual(s) the benefit of the doubt.

 

But I ALWAYS give people in my life the benefit of doubt.

 

 

With spending time with myself and thinking about all the experiences I have had it was so unclear on where I stood with some people.

 

 

I decided to take situations for what they were and move according. Not that was what I wanted to do, but I found myself in such a different place of self.

 

 

Wanting to jump away from anything that I felt like wasn’t putting me on the path of who I wanted be or aspired to be.

 

I am tired of being predictable, I am tired of being in the same negative space, I am tired of not feeling loved by ones who are supposed to love me because I am me and because of the fact I love them.

 

Not because of what I have, or what I only do for them.

 

 

It was a matter of what is real love and who is actually giving it…That question still rings in my head. I continue to apply it as I interact with my peers.

 

My question for those who may have this struggle or those who are going through a life changing path.

 

Do you know the people in your life? Do you have reassurance that they care about you or love you?

 

Do you get off putting feeling when you get around certain people? If so, what would be your preferred method in addressing it?.

 

I hope you enjoy my personal experiences :).

Please feel free to ask me any questions.

 

Xoxo,

Sangai