Living Through my Trauma

A lot of us don’t talk about our feelings enough. Nonetheless we tend avoid speaking on them, or project, maybe even try to hurt other in the process of “getting over it”

I wanted to speak specifically on trauma. That is what I have experienced within my  childhood years to adult years, and it has drastically affected my love life.

I have experienced, emotional abuse, verbal abuse along with infidelity (emotional).

Many people only see trauma as a physical act rather than a mental, but they don’t realize just as much damage could happen mentally. I believe any form of abuse triggers all aspects.

For example,  if I was to experience physical abuse.

Ultimately I would have physical trauma that would possibly prevent me from being physically intimate with others, or cautious of people touching me in certain places.

Dealing with physical trauma can lead to a emotional trauma as it can create intrusive thoughts about the physical abuse and lead to bad mental health.

There are many parts of trauma that can link to other things in your common life.

I figured out I was dealing with trauma the moment I entered my Junior year of high school.. I know pretty young.

How I found out was through my reactions to conflict, or situations that fell out of my control.

I mainly became hyper fixated on how I was portrayed in situations (still sort of am).

Anyway, I couldn’t help but notice that it became a pattern, a problematic one because of how detrimental it was to my emotional health.

It wasn’t up until college, my freshman year where I became a little more educated on how to combat my trauma to sustain healthy relationships with my friends and partner.

Learning what traumatized me.

I solely believe it’s important to figure out the source of the problem before solving it or trying to understand it.

Once you figure out what triggers you, or what caused  it.

How to maneuver around it will shorten the impact.

I began to realize after using this tactic that I was always going to have my trauma, but I learned that my trauma isn’t a resemblance of how I want to be seen or identified.

Just like people wear their heart on their sleeve I had always wore my trauma on my sleeve.

I made it known to people indirectly, which wasn’t really pleasant when people wanted to communicate with me.

I didn’t understand boundaries.

Just like people place boundaries with other people in terms of their personal life which they keep things short or vague, I was doing the opposite.

I was basically trauma dumping all the time and I always thought it was better that way to be too expressive.

However, I learned the hard way once I started to lose friends because I didn’t consider how heavy my experiences can be or how it can affect another.

I always believed that nobody really cared for what I said nor did they really listen to me so I assumed anything that I spoke on wasn’t nearly there concern.

I thought of it to be more like venting rather than trauma dumping.