Being in the Wrong: How to Apologize
Being in the Wrong
Being in the wrong as you can see from the title falls into relationships.
If you think about it there has been awful amounts of times you may have been wrong in a situation or argument, but couldn’t realize.
Why is that?
Well many things may pertain to the reasons why we never realize when we may be wrong whether its what we said or what we did.
Before I go into detail.
Here are a couple of points that may be the reason we don’t realize when we are wrong when it comes to talking with our partner/ friends.
- We never been told we could be wrong
- We have developed a self centered complex
- We think because our partner/ friend,etc isn’t saying anything or giving us feedback we are right
- We haven’t done self reflection
- Personality disorder (Narcissistic tendencies,etc)
- We don’t care
- Grew up only knowing what you experienced/ was told
- Because you have been right before
- Our friends/family agree with us (validation)
- Habitual nature to believe you aren’t wrong.
This list is surely not just limited to these reasons, but these are factors that mainly play out for college students when it comes to having tough conversations about their relationship.
I see many conversations take a turn when both parties or either, simply aren’t listening to each other.
They refuse to take accountability for what contributed to their argument or issue.
In many cases looking from the outside perspective its common to identify the problem and point out who is clearly wrong in this case.
Many problems usually derive because the other partner has been caught in some lie or may have done something that upset their partner.
This can range from things like cheating to smaller things like saying “I love you” or not holding hands in public.
Many college campus couples I have observed, and including myself have this issue day in and day out.
What is being done wrong?
What is not being done that this conversation has to be had over and over again?
These are questions I ask my self and I ask others I know in relationships.
From my perspective the simple factors for me is 1. Not acknowledging the issue or not being able to see there is an issue at all.
I can say in many cases I have had to remind my partner(s) that I don’t like when certain things are done a certain way or how certain things are said/mentioned.
Granted, I am very aware that our partners are human beings to and they can forget.
But when it comes to being aware of your partners dislikes and likes its a key figure in finding a way to communicate with them.
This can also tie into love languages which I plan on discussing later.
Moreover, even though you or your partner may have not mastered learning all of the dislikes and likes about each other.
How you make it up to them or how you show up can be way more effective and way more forgiving.
If there was a situation where you may have done something wrong to upset your partner or even a friend, the first initial thing we are programmed to do is say “sorry”.
Saying sorry has been transformed to be many things.
As we go through adulthood, I’m sure many of us including are tired of always hearing it but is still having the same experience from a month ago.. **sighs***
Saying sorry isn’t bad of course, but saying sorry after wronging someone, and then wronging them again is just purely injurious.
Could it be possible that we may not know how to apologize without saying just sorry?
Well. Maybe.
Apologizing comes in many forms such as referring to our partners love language, or even doing more.
It can also be put into more active words such as ” Hey, I see this situation or argument has really upset you, and I’m really sorry that my actions made you feel this way.
“You don’t /didn’t deserve this experience I made you felt. I understand what I did wrong and I really want to make this right between us. Will you be able to give me a chance to prove to you that this won’t happen again?”
Now this statement is not an accurate one or a certified one.
My point is that an apology for when you do something wrong should contain a sign of progression, not just saying sorry for the problem at hand.
There will be times where only a sorry is needed, but its vital to figure out when a sorry is needed and knowing when and where to take accountability.
If you love the relationship you have with a person and you care about them.
The thing that you should be encouraged to do is always be the example you want put towards you.
Learn your loved ones onsets and offsets. Learn how to communicate with them in a way that makes them feel safe and heard.
Until next time!
XOXO,
Sangai
