A Child in an Adult body

       Child to Adult

In this session, I will discuss my experiences as a child when it came to “love” and how I decipher and go through it now.

 

Growing up I was a very quiet child, not that I wasn’t social, but I would selectively speak to individuals when I needed to.

 

 

 

Me being quiet didn’t mean I didn’t speak or understand what  someone was saying, I just didn’t have an urge to speak.

 

 

Nonetheless most of time I didn’t speak was in school, or in major social settings…I would just observe.

 

 

This has been all throughout my life, and it still occurs often.

 

 

The only reason why its not all the time is because i’m older and its sort of required in most settings, like school to be social and speak as you move up in life.

 

 

 

As I got older I found an urge to speak, but I somehow became a little less vocal and less confident with my speech.

 

 

It was like moving backwards.

 

 

Most importantly this feeling transitioned into my relationships I have with others and how I express myself in every emotion.

 

Whether its sad, angry, happy, calm, tired, etc,.

 

 

My confidence shifted drastically.

 

Anyway, to add on as a child although I was quiet with unfamiliar settings the moment I got comfortable I would be witty and vivacious in this element.

 

 

This lead to me attracting many friends.

 

 

In terms of this part of me it affects me on how I love, whether its platonic or romantic.

 

I give love with stealth and strength.

 

 

Meaning those who I find comfort in often get me when i’m most vulnerable in the process of giving /spreading love.

 

 

If I don’t feel too fully comfortable with you I’m usually hesitant with talking too much, and more observant, but at a distance.

 

I sometimes struggle with letting the people in my life know how I’m feeling when something bothers me right away.

 

 

I usually like to have time to process my emotions or “cool down”, but i noticed usually when I do I forget what I would really want to say.

 

Which makes me even more hesitant in speaking more because I subconsciously limit myself in how much emotion I express…

 

My childhood could be factor into why I am like this, but it is also a factor in terms of the social, emotional, and even verbal abuse I’ve received in my 21 years of life.

 

Is there parts of your childhood you can say has altered how you interact with others?

Do you think its a hindrance towards you socially and emotionally? Or has your experiences in childhood help you decipher love when it comes to others, other than yourself?

 

Stay tuned for more on my experiences 🙂

 

 

XOXO,

Sangai