Gay people really go through the whole dating scene very much later in life compared to their straight counterparts. While straight people had the opportunities to develop relationships in their youth, gay people were hiding who they were to the world.
So jumping into the dating scene as young adults leads to a lot of confusion and feelings of silliness when everyone around us has it all figured out.
Dating in the queer community has such a high level of standards and notions that are so hard to keep up. I can truthfully say that I have NEVER been on a date with anybody in my life. Shocking right?
But this is such a deeper problem embedded into the LGBTQ+ community that focuses on societal standards of masculinity and what to look for in a potential partner. It is honestly quite toxic in the dating scene and there are many different nuances to delve into.
Dating apps for queer people are marketed merely as a quick way to find a hookup. Many of these apps have categories that force users to put themselves into adding even more labeling within the community. It is also often very dangerous to use these apps as many abusers use these apps to attack people online or in-person.
One thing to address is these unrealistic standards. Many gay people (and by no means am I say all) look for that perfect hunk of a man, big muscles, masculine, and not feminine at all, and most of the time: white. In fact, many online-dating bios proudly state that they are looking for someone who is not FAT, FEMME, or ASIAN.
Speaking personally, I have only been approached as an ideal fantasy of Asian demure. I do not think that I have met someone interested in me for real me.
And adding the level of my Drag identity, many strange men approach me wanting to hook up with me in Drag. Now I am not trying to kink shame by any means. But what needs to be understood, is that I am still a person with feelings and emotions.
I feel that this has somewhat become a rant session, but this is a reality that many queer people have to face. As society changes and queer culture becomes more accepted we are seeing more representation and hope for finding true connections.